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Thursday, January 14, 2016

"A SPECIAL DEDICATION OF LOVE AND APPRECIATION"





                               "A SPECIAL DEDICATION OF LOVE AND APPRECIATION"





When I search to recall the sweetest memories of my childhood, it always seems to take me back to

when I was between the age of 14-19 years old.

How sweet life was back then...


I was a good kid and had the best set of friends, anyone could ever hope for!

Although, we had our growing up issues to deal with, we were all such great loving kids.

We were better than 'Family'. We always came straight home after school and never got into

any kind of trouble. We had a love for dancing, singing and play acting.


We had no idea, what life had in stored for us, yet we dreamed big! We made plans and we

played and pretended in our dream world, filled with music, love and laughter!

We each admired one another and helped each other cope with any problems, life through our way.

I am smiling, just thinking of the past memories, we were enriched with!


The one person, who I owe much of my 'Problem solving' skills to is my 'Tita Rita'.

She is the mother of my sweet friend, Ellis, who is one phenomenal human being!

Tita Rita was so good to every one of us...

Not enough appreciation is ever given to the back-ground people, who helped along the way.

This is for her. A 'Thank You' from the bottom of my heart and my soul...




Dear Tita Rita,

You were always there to feed us, guide us and scold us, when we needed it. You saw the good

hearts, that each one of us possessed and you groomed us to be aware and prepare for the

possible pain, that life might have had around the corner. How I loved listening to you, and your

stories of life's complexities. To be honest, I was 'Starstrucked'.

You might have seen something in my eyes, that told you, I was paying attention?

I was!


Now that I am all grown up, I am happy to tell you that all the time you invested in each one of us,

especially me, was incredibly fruitful. I reflect a lot of your teachings to others and for that,

I cannot praise you enough! Tita Rita, I will never forget your kindness and fun personality!

I will treasure the old memories of us, dancing in your living room, then you calling us to drink

'Punch'. You gave us your best and wanted us to never feel negative or as though

we were missing out on what the older kids were doing!

On behalf of Ellis, Pam, Jenny,Cecile, Jamie and any others that were part of our 'Clan',

at the time...


We Thank You and Praise you, for being the 'Wonder Woman' that you are!

WE LOVE YOU!...

Friday, May 29, 2015

"The Anguish that comes with Losing oneself"

 





                             
                                           " The Anguish that comes with Losing oneself "

                                   
This is a serious topic and a topic, that I never thought I would have experienced in my own life.

I was well trained in the Discipline department. I was Tenacious. I was Resilient. I was Talented.

I was focused, had direction and determined. I was always the odd duck, doing everything by the

book that my codes were written on. I suppose, Life can get each one of us through our weaknesses.

Mine was always about Helping someone... So much that I almost did not exist to myself.

Sad to say that, between Betrayals and Abandonment, I got worn out!

Losing three of my dearest friends, who loved me more than I can bare to acknowledge, hurts!


What happened to my great attributes? Where did they go? Why did I Abandon myself?

So many questions and for every answer, there were ten other questions...

The Anguish, that I speak about is not Hating oneself, but the very thought of having lost oneself!

The 'How' was easy to figure out. I Decided I wanted to be like everyone else: Not give a shit!

The 'Where' did the attributes go, was also easy to track down. They are all still inside me.


However, The 'Why' did I abandon myself is the Million Dollar question.

There was no question that I loved and respected myself, so why?

A few of my theories are that, perhaps, I was feeling sorry for myself.

I always believed in 'Doing' right by others at all costs, but came to a realization that nobody

really cares. about Me caring about Them!



My heart was always Golden and full of love for the less fortunate and the ones, who most

people judge according to their bullshit standards.


Was I afraid to be Me again and have to be understanding and forgiving like I was before?

Was I just sick of the Fakeness, that I was exposed to in the name of friendship?

Was I, for the first time in my life feeling Regrets?

If these words you have been reading, seem to hit a spot, Please listen to me...


The first change was decided by you and only You, can change it back or change things for the better.

You must search deep inside your heart and soul until you find the 'You' that walked away...

Chase after yourself until you become whole once again.

I wish I had better advice but I am only as far as what I wrote in the last sentence.

I am chasing myself, but my old self feels betrayed and abandoned by me, so she is using her

talented gifts, to elude me! It hasn't been easy because I am deeply wounded at the moment.

However, If it's the last thing I do, I will find myself again and Heal as a whole.


Everybody has a cross they must carry. I have carried so many crosses for others and for years!

Now, it's time to carry my own damn cross! I must wisen up and pick up the pieces that were left

behind.

The image I used was created by a very beautiful and talented friend of mine, who drew my face

very well and maybe, she knew something, most do not know about me...

I love the Rain and one day, I would love to dance with the one I love under the rain!

I hope that the others, who might be feeling something similar can draw something positive from

this.

Remember, we can always choose which aspects of ourself to express to the world!

Sometimes, all we need is to spend time with ourselves, by ourself!

Sometimes, all we need is to be naked under the rain, and let it wash our sorrows and pain away...


Peace to All :)